TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorders, binge eating.
Did you know that April is emotional overeating awareness month? Yep, this is a personal month for me. Not only is it my birthday month (yay?), but it is a month that will bring awareness to something that I have been struggling with since primary school.
Emotional eating develops when food becomes more about satisfying a physical hunger (Smith, 2023). When food is used to improve your mood in moments of boredom, stress, anxiety, and depression. Studies show that eating lights up the reward system and releases dopamine which makes you feel better. And since food is the central point of life’s highlights (i.e., celebrations, funerals, meeting with friends) it's natural for one to develop an emotional connection with it. The problem begins when one uses food as a substitute to deal with difficult emotions and often ends up overeating. Pretty much eating to the point of uncomfortable fullness.
Triggers include but are not limited to:
- Work/school stress
- Health issues
- Financial issues
- Relationship problems
- Inability to introspect
- Inability to understand and process emotions
That last point is the main reason I eat when going through my mgowo.
umgowo
uhm • gow • wo
: trials and tribulations
Growing up, I was never provided the space to express myself and learn how to deal with emotions and that is how I ended up turning to food. My toxic relationship with food started as an innocent reward system for doing well in school or as an incentive to keep working hard. Looking forward to that post-school takeout made me hate my life less. It made me hate school less because I could count on one positive thing to light me up and make me happy. Reflecting now, I’m realising that no one asked me why I hated school so much. Why did I hate my life so much? I just ended up stuffing my face with a happy meal that didn’t leave me so happy. The irony.
When people ask if I am a foodie, I say “yes” but am I? Or do I just like to eat my emotions away with something that tastes good? I came to the uncomfortable realisation that I am a foodie when I am in a good mood. Then I am willing to try new food, with new textures and new smells. But otherwise; just pass me the pistachio ice cream and margarita pizza. I was only made aware of my eating habits during my early varsity days when I would get the overwhelming need to chew something when I am anxious or stressed. As I’m going through my healing process, I realise that this comes from my need to eat to add more dopamine to my system. You know how smokers buy vapes to quit smoking, maybe I should buy gum. But surely there are other ways to form a healthy relationship with food.
Habits are hard to break, and breaking my habit of binge-eating is gonna beat my ass. Because now that I’m making a conscious decision to form healthier habits; what do I do when I feel sad? Journal? That feels kinda dumb and where do I start? What do I write? Where do I write? Do I buy a journal? That feels a bit *desperate*. Do I buy an exam pad? What if the pages get lost? What do I do when I'm bored? Read a book? Watch Netflix? I wanna do something that doesn't require me to use too many brain cells. I'm trying to relax without thinking too much. Someone asked me what I like to do to relax, and I was speechless. So, combating binge eating to me looks like finding pass time activities that won't make me feel guilty. If I sleep, I feel like I'm wasting electricity and I feel guilty for not making better use of my time. Do you see my thought process? I genuinely don’t know where to start. Health blogs make it sound so easy, but I feel like it's because they are writting from a place of good health.
Although, there are a few things I am open to trying. Such as starting a food journal. Sounds interesting right? And less vulnerable. What is advised about starting one, is that I would write down my triggers and what I did. Did I eat? What did I eat and was I feeling better afterwards? Personally, it sounds less emotionally draining than an actual journal, although it is the same thing. But that’s not the point. Something else I’m willing to try is taking a 5-minute delay before I indulge in eating something. This is the same concept as how the delivery cost makes one rethink their purchase. So, this way, it will force me to rethink and reflect on my choice.
I am hoping that I will come back to this blog post and be like “Five years without binge eating!”. One day at a time, I guess... For those who are struggling with their relationship with food, you're not alone. There are different ways you can help yourself that could work for you. You're not on this journey on your own.
Till next time lovelies ✨✨
References
Werner, C. (2018) Emotional eating: Why it happens and how to stop it, Healthline. Healthline Media. Available at: https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-eating (Accessed: April 5, 2023).
Smith, M.A. (2023) Emotional eating and how to stop it, HelpGuide.org. Available at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm (Accessed: April 5, 2023).
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